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For all of you who spent this morning watching Whitney Houston's funeral service on television, or if you're putting together a Whitney filmography, here's a new guest post for you. Courtesy of Maurene Goo. Originally posted 2.15.2012
50/50 Special Post: The BodyguardMy 8th movie was watched on Saturday night after I found out Whitney Houston died. It's a movie I'd been meaning to watch for years (why, I do not know): The Bodyguard.
I don't know where the weird nostalgia came from, because to be honest, I've never been a huge fan of Whitney. She was a little before my time and a lot of her songs struck me as KOST 103.5 snoozefest. Instead, my girlhood was spent lip-synching to Mariah Carey.
But. There is one song that I love. That I will always love.
If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way.
OMGeez I get shivers every time I hear these few quiet lines, throaty and true. And yes, I am one of those blasphemous people that like this version better than Dolly Parton's original. It's just so full of intensely genuine emotion.
So I expected the film that it goes with to reflect this level of powerful romance. It was pre-Valentine's weekend and Whitney had just died tragically, and I was in the mood for tears and swooning.
I clearly did not know, then, that people make fun of this movie a lot.
The opening alone. What in the world. Abrupt close-up shot of Kevin Costner shooting someone, and then some weird dark, wet alley look...and then...him crouching.
Ok, ok. Interesting. No easing in...I can handle that.
But aside from the intense eye f-ing that Coster and Houston do in their first meeting, the chemistry between these two was so underwhelming that I got uncomfortable like an uptight woman from the 50s who found interracial dating unsavory.
My fiance (a white guy): "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SHE LIKE THIS BORING WHITE GUY?"
Me: "Shhhhh, women like Kevin Costner. There MUST be something sexy about him. Maybe because I am 30 now I will understand."
Fast forward 30 minutes.
Me: "KEVIN COSTNER MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF."
Fiance: "This is a bad movie."
Aside from the famous scene where Costner scoops Houston up during a raucous concert (see movie poster), there were absolutely no romantic moments. And I don't even have a high standard for romantic moments—I love when Julia Roberts says she's "just a girl..." to Hugh Grant, I love when Ryan Gosling kisses my love Rachel McAdams in the rain...I even love many scenes in this bad movie with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny, where Driver has Duchovny's dead wife's heart in her chest, unbeknownst to both of them.
And where the heck was the best song in the world? AT THE VERY END. Which, ok, I liked how she ran into his arms on the tarmac, but I'm pretty sure that had more to do with the first few lines of "I Will Always Love You" playing in the background.
Also, the movie ended on a freeze frame shot of Costner's awkward f-ing face doing this:
What. The. Heck.
Whitney, this movie sucked, but your voice was amazing and I hope you are finding peace wherever you are. I choose to remember you like this: